i don't like sucking hair
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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