I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
