i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
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I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
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I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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