Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Princesses don't give blow jobs
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
