He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
