what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
