We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
