um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
