I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
