Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
