you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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