I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
