I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
