5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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