I'm lost and stupid without you.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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