Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
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