Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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