I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
