I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
