they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
