Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
