Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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