Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
