Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
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the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
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I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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