I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
