i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
