I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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