Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
