maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
