I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Randomize
