So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I got inside last night via doggy door
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
