I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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