Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
