one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
