Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize