I cockslap morals
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
