He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
