that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
