Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
The beer is more important than you right now.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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