its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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