Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
