Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
