how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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