I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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