I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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