by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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