I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
