i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
