I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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