i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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