in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
