we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
