Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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