Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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