Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
