I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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