I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
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I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
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He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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