hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
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