Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
