remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
