he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Randomize
