She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
