9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
