Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
